


Trust in Love

by VestalVirgin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 18:50:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VestalVirgin/pseuds/VestalVirgin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chakotay rescues Kathryn from imprisonment and is forced to protect her dignity as well as her person.  Kathryn's respect for and trust in her First Officer deepens with his care.  If trust is a foundation of love, what has she been hiding from all this time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Star Trek: Voyager and the characters are the property of Paramount. The events in this story and any errors are mine.

 

Kathryn heard weapons fire in the tunnel.  She pulled herself over the floor to the bars of the cell and tried to peer through the darkness, but it was no use.  She had no way of knowing whether it was another riot or the guards getting drunk again, either scenario being equally plausible. 

Since being kidnapped by a rebel force during an away mission four days ago, she had been beaten and held prisoner in this dark, dank hellhole with no contact with anyone except the warden who brought her a slice of something that could either be a root vegetable or some kind of bread once a day.  She had also been given a ladle of water yesterday.  The warden never spoke, never answered her rapid-fire questions, and never gave any indication that he had any intentions of doing so.  The last words she had heard spoken to her were when they brought her through the tunnel and handed her a bundle, ordering her at gun point to remove her clothing.  What they had given her in return was material, but a far cry from clothing.  She had been forced to don a pair of sheer white panties and a loosely meshed over-garment that was held together only by one button just above her naval, leaving her breasts bare and the rest open from the button to her knees.  She wasn’t even sure why they bothered; she would be no more exposed if she were nude.

The firing ceased, and she listened intently with her head pressed against the bars.  Very faintly, then growing to a loud whisper, she heard, “Kathryn!”

“Here!” she hissed.  “I’m down here, fourth cell.” 

Chakotay’s form appeared from the darkness into the gloom around her cell.  He sucked in his breath. Besides the obvious indignity of the outfit, her right arm was hanging awkwardly at her side, she had bruises on her legs and torso, and she was very pale and weak.  “Kathryn!  What have they done to you?”

“Just get me out of here!  I think my arm is broken; I can’t even move it anymore.  I’m too weak to walk.  I’m afraid I am not going to be much use in a fight.”

Chakotay quickly pulled three transporter enhancers from the pack on his back. 

“Who is with you?” she asked quietly.

“It’s just me,” he said as he worked.  “I came in a shuttle while Voyager drew off the patrols.  I managed to hide behind the closest moon until I could plan out a way to beam down to the prison.  It was too risky to bring a whole security detail.  I had a better chance of getting through by myself.”

He triangulated the enhancers, placing one in her cell just behind her and the other two on either side of him.  He moved as close to her as could with the bars between them and activated the signal.  They reappeared in the shuttle craft still hidden from the planet’s sensors and patrols.  Kathryn immediately collapsed to the deck and groaned as Chakotay went to the helm to get the shuttle under way.  

Kathryn’s voice stopped him.  “Commander, wait!” 

He turned to her with a frown.  “We have to get you to the Doctor, Captain.  Once we are underway, I will get the medical kit and see what I can do, but you have to get to Voyager.” 

“Are we safe here?  At least for a few more minutes?”

“We should be,” he answered, confused.

“Then there are two things you have to do for me first,” she pleaded, squeezing her eyes shut.

He rushed to her side.  “What is it?”

“I need hydration.  They only gave me a few sips of water, and the pain from my arm is causing me to sweat, making it worse.”

He grabbed the medical kit and found the hypospray.  He brushed her hair back from her neck and administered the rehydration compound.  It would take a bit for it to start working, but she should regain a little strength as it did.  He also brought her some water and held her head up, letting her take a couple of small drinks. 

“Not too much or it will make you sick,” he said, setting the water down.

“What is the second?” he asked, concern evident in his voice and face.

She raised her head and looked him full in the face.  “Get me out of this damned outfit!  I am not returning to my own ship dressed like this.  I’m sorry, Chakotay.  I know I have asked a lot from you over the last four years, and this is probably crossing the line, but I can’t do it myself with my arm, and I’m too weak.”  She had tears in her eyes and was trying to blink them back.  “If you have ever had a shred of respect for me, you will get this shit off me!” 

“Hey, calm down,” he soothed.  “It’s okay.  Of course I will.”  Chakotay rarely heard Kathryn curse, so he knew she was dead serious.  The broken arm and the bruises were bad enough, but the humiliation she must be feeling made him wish he had killed a few more guards while he was in the prison.

He made her ease her head down then went back to the replicator.  He turned back to look at her and she looked so small, so helpless, it made his blood boil to see what they had reduced his Captain to.  Forget the guards; if he had a photon torpedo right then, he would have blown the whole prison to bits.  He took a deep breath instead.  “Kathryn, there’s no need for you to put on a uniform.  A medical robe should suffice, and I will have you beamed directly from the shuttle to sick bay.”

“I will compromise with you, Commander.  Uniform pants and tank top.  Please.  We can forget the turtle neck, and I’m too hot for the jacket, anyway.”  She shakily spoke to the replicator, “Computer, one female uniform pants and tank, size 4, and undergarments size small.” 

Chakotay gathered the stack of clothing and moved back onto the floor beside her.  He scanned her with the tricorder from the med kit and was relieved to see that the hydration compound was beginning to work.  “I’m afraid the broken bones have caused some nerve damage.  That’s why you can’t move your arm.  Your blood pressure is elevated, which would explain why you are hot.  There’s not much I can do except give you a sedative and something for pain.”

“No, no sedative,” she insisted.  “Just give me something for the pain.” 

He pressed the hypospray to her neck and gave her a little more water.  He waited a minute for the medicine to take effect. 

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Just get it over with, please,” she said through gritted teeth.

Chakotay sat behind her head and gently pulled her torso up onto his legs, her head resting back against his abdomen.   He reached over her and unbuttoned the mesh robe, sliding the sleeve very carefully down her injured arm.  Luckily because of the loose weave, the garment had some stretch to it and came away without causing too much discomfort before he did the other arm.  He reached for the bra from the stack of clothing and pulled the straps just as carefully up onto her shoulders.   He reached under her back and felt for the hooks, finally working his fingers around just right to get the clasps fastened.  He ran his fingers under the band around to the front to straighten it around her ribs.  Without even thinking about it, he used one hand to reach into each side of the bra and push her breast up and over slightly, positioning the fit of the cup.  

“How’s that?” he asked while pulling the strange robe out from under her. 

“It’s fine,” she answered weakly. 

He gathered the tank top into a roll and pulled it over the injured arm first, then over her head where he helped push her other arm through the remaining sleeve.  He lifted her slightly so he could unroll the material down her torso and straightened it out.  When that was done, he gingerly slid out from under her, cradling her head and neck with his hands as he laid her back on the floor.  He moved down to her feet and she pulled her knees up, turning her face away.  She looked at him from the corner of her eye, though, and noticed that he was so intent on trying not to hurt her that he didn’t even seem to be looking at _her_.  She relaxed then and let her trust in him take over.  The utter humiliation she felt at being forced to wear the outfit outweighed that of Chakotay having to dress her like a child.   

“Can you lift your hips or do you need me to do it?” he asked. 

She lifted up as far as she could, which wasn’t much in her weakened state but enough for him to work the ridiculous sheer panties down her hips and off over her legs.  He tossed them aside and unfolded the black standard briefs, picking up one foot at a time and slipping it through the legs.  He concentrated on not putting additional pressure on the many bruises as he pulled them up her body and over her hips.  As he had with the bra, he ran his hand around the waistband to straighten it, then around the bands of each leg to make sure they were not pulled up too far.  He followed with the slacks, taking just as much care until he finally had her dressed. 

“What about boots?” he asked.

She thought for a second before answering, “No, we’ll forego the shoes.  We need to get out of here now that I can think beyond that maddening outfit.  Which you can airlock, by the way.”

He gave her a ghost of smile before it disappeared again in the storm of his anger.  He recycled the material in the replicator on his way to the helm.  He planned to spend extra time thanking his Spirits for not letting them be detected as they left the relative safety of the moon and set a course back to Voyager.  When they had travelled far enough to be out of immediate danger, he checked the sensors one more time and then moved back to where Kathryn was still lying on the floor.  He noticed that even though she was wearing a lot more clothing, she was starting to shiver.  He found a blanket in the storage compartment and then scanned her with the tricorder again. 

“Your temperature has dropped, Kathryn, to a dangerous level.  I have to get you warmed up.” 

She nodded her head, her lips trembling.

He lay beside her and gently rolled her onto her good arm, careful to stabilize the injured one against her side.  She groaned once, but then settled into shivering again.  He wrapped his body as close as he could against hers and pulled the blanket over them.  After a couple of minutes, her tremors slowed and she felt warmer.  He stayed with her a while longer to make sure she continued to warm up before slipping out from under the blanket and methodically tucking it around her. 

Just as Chakotay stood up, he heard the beep alerting him they were approaching the ship.  “Chakotay to Voyager,” he hailed. 

“Yes, Commander,” Tuvok answered.

“I have the Captain, but she is injured.  As soon as we are in range, lock on to my com badge and beam her directly to sickbay.  I will bring the shuttle in.”

“Understood, Commander.”

Chakotay went back to Kathryn and transferred his com badge to her tank top.  He placed his hand on her cheek.  She did not seem to be overly hot or cold at the moment, and she was still alert, though barely.  “We’re almost there, Kathryn,” he told her softly.  “Just a little farther until we are in transporter range.”

The corners of her mouth softened, but she was too weak to smile more than that.  She wanted to tell him thank you, but her voice wouldn’t work.  Instead, she blinked her eyes deliberately twice at him.  He kept his hand on her cheek for another few seconds, then returned to the helm. 

Tuvok’s voice came over the com about five minutes later.  “You are in range, Commander.  Transporters are standing by for the Captain.”

“She’s ready.  Alert the Doctor she is severely dehydrated and has a broken arm.  He can figure out the rest.  As soon as my shuttle is docked, set course away from Carlaxan space at Warp 8.”

“Understood, Commander.”

Chakotay turned to watch as Kathryn dematerialized from the shuttle.  He wanted to scream, to rage, to punch the bulkhead; instead, he gritted his teeth and concentrated on getting to Voyager and the shuttle bay so they could get the hell away from the planet and never look back. 

He used the shuttle’s com to call the bridge as soon as the shuttle bay doors closed behind him.  “Chakotay to the bridge.  Engage engines, Mr. Tuvok.  Run continuous sweeps on all sensors until we are out of their space.  I will be in sick bay.” 

“Acknowledged, Commander,” Tuvok answered calmly. 

Chakotay wished at that moment that he had some of the Vulcan’s emotional detachment.  He walked swiftly from the shuttle bay to sick bay, fighting the urge to break into a run the whole way.  The Doctor was still working on the Captain when he arrived, but she appeared to be resting peacefully.  Chakotay waited with hands and jaw clenching and unclenching until the Doctor was finished, and followed him into his office. 

“Tell me one thing, Doctor,” he growled, his voice seething.  “Was she sexually assaulted?”

“Commander,” the Doctor said with a frown.  “You know I can’t tell you that.  It would be a breach of doctor - patient privilege.” 

Chakotay slammed his hands down on the Doctor’s desk, startling him.  “Don’t give me that, Doctor!  If you had seen what…”  He stopped himself from telling the Doctor what she had been wearing, that he had to redress her before she would return to the ship, knowing it would humiliate her even more.  His arms were shaking where he was leaning on the desk and his eyes were almost black with rage.  “If you had seen what I saw in that prison, you would know why I am asking.  So I ask you again.  Was. she. raped?”

The Doctor glared at Chakotay for several seconds before finally taking pity on him.  “No, Commander,” he said quietly.  “I found no evidence of sexual assault.”

Chakotay collapsed into the chair beside him.  He had been almost certain Kathryn had been raped because along with the bruises, he could think of no reason other than the obvious for why they had dressed her the way they did.  His terror now alleviated, he only felt like crying and had to blink back tears.  “Thank you, Doctor,” he whispered. 

 

************************* 

Kathryn remained in sick bay for two full days before the Doctor released her to her quarters.  She was not cleared for duty yet, but she was healing well.  She had slept most of the first day in sick bay, but spent the second thinking about everything that had happened.  She remembered the tenderness with which Chakotay had cared for her in the shuttle, not once looking at her inappropriately or taking even the slightest liberty with her completely exposed condition.  She had cried, softly so the Doctor wouldn’t hear her, as her respect for and trust in her First Officer deepened even more.   She couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if anyone but Chakotay had been the one to rescue her.

Back in her quarters, she awoke early.  She ordered a coffee and was just settling at her desk when her door chimed.  “Come,” she called. 

The door swished open to reveal Chakotay standing there with a carton of coffee ice cream in his hands.  She smiled at him as he walked in and he said, “I thought you might like some comfort food.”

“Thank you, it looks wonderful,” she replied.  “Can you stay for a bowl?” she asked.

He shook his head.  “No, I am on my way to the bridge.  I just wanted to drop this off and make sure you are alright.”

“Still sore, but I am much better.”

“That’s good to hear,” he replied.  “Enjoy the ice cream.”  He turned for the door when she called his name.

“Chakotay, would you join me for dinner this evening?”

“Sure, but on one condition: I bring the food.  You need your rest.”

“It’s a deal,” she said with a soft smile.

Kathryn read through a few reports, tried to move around her quarters periodically to loosen up her sore muscles, ate a bowl of ice cream for lunch, and finally fell asleep reading a book on the sofa.  She awoke with a little over an hour before dinner and went to take a bath and change.  Again, she remembered Chakotay dressing her and again, it brought tears to her eyes. 

Chakotay arrived right on time, balancing covered plates and bowls in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.  He poured the wine and set out the food while she retrieved tableware and napkins. 

“It smells good,” she told him. 

“I asked Neelix to prepare it.  He was more than happy to oblige, and I think he outdid himself.” 

During the meal, they talked about the ship and the events she had missed while imprisoned.  He told her about their attempts to work through diplomatic channels for her release, and then the plan they had devised when diplomacy failed. 

By the time he finished filling her in on everything, they were both full and she was getting sore again sitting in the dining chair.  She stood up and stretched her back and rubbed her thighs.  “I could use a softer seat,” she groaned.  She refilled her wine glass and walked to the sofa, lying back into the cushions. 

Chakotay cleared the dishes from the table and then offered her some ice cream. 

“No, I’m stuffed, but thank you,” she replied.  “I did eat some for lunch.”

He sat in the chair next to her and held his glass loosely in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.  He was frowning slightly, worry evident in his dark eyes. 

“Chakotay,” she said quietly.  “I want to thank you for everything.  You saved me in more ways than one.”

He turned his worried look to her.  “I’m just glad I was able to get you out.”

She gazed at the floor and sighed.  “I asked far more of you than I should have, and you never batted an eye.  I will always be grateful for that more than anything.”

He placed his glass on the low table in front of him and leaned back in the chair.  “Kathryn, I was so sure they…  I thought you had been…”  He fumbled for the words.  “I could only think of one reason why they would dress you like that.” 

Her eyes snapped up to his as it dawned on her what he was saying.  “No, Chakotay,” she said sharply.  “They beat me that first day, but they never touched me in that way.  I don’t know if they might have tried if I had been there longer, though.  I have no idea why they took my clothes.”

He looked haunted and angry at the same time.  She tried to lighten the mood a little.

“I must say, you certainly know your way around women’s undergarments.”

He cringed and squinted his eyes shut.

“It was a joke, Chakotay,” she said, trying to smile at him.

“I know,” he grumbled, trying to smile but failing.  “I…”  He took a long sip of wine and started again.  “When you fight in the Maquis, you never know what kind of situation you are getting into.  Your rescue would not have been the first time I had to care for women who had been…misused.” 

He felt her hand on his knee.  “Oh, Chakotay, I am sorry.  If I had known that was what you were thinking, I would have put your mind at ease back on the shuttle.  It must have been terrible for you.”

He paused for a second before continuing.  “I have a confession to make.  I forced the Doctor to tell me once we were back here.  I shouldn’t have, I know.  But I couldn’t help it.  It was killing me to imagine what they might have done to you, that you might be going through what I saw those women endure.  I was so angry I was ready to pull half the quadrant into a war at the first sign they had…done that…to you.” 

She increased the pressure on his knee and reassured him, “I’m okay, Chakotay.  You rescued me before they might have done anything like that.  You saved me, and you also saved my dignity.  I can’t say that I am exactly comfortable with the fact that you had to do what you did, but I am glad it was you if it had to be anybody.”  She lightened her voice.  “Can you imagine if had been Mr. Paris?  I don’t think I could have endured that annoying smirk from him for the rest of this journey.”

Chakotay did smile at that.  “Or Harry Kim,” he quipped.

She laughed.  “Harry would have fainted dead on the spot, and you would have had to rescue both of us.”  She took a deep breath.  “Still, you have seen me naked.  I can’t say it is not awkward for me.”

He looked at her, his brow wrinkling.  “I barely remember.  I was too focused on trying not to injure you further, and counting your bruises so I would know how many guards to go back and kill.  It is my job to protect you in whatever capacity that may be.  I knew you were embarrassed, and I was just as humiliated for you.”  He was getting mad again, his hand balling into a fist.  “I’m so sorry, Kathryn.  I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop you from being taken in the first place.”

She nodded her head curtly, understanding that although she wanted to make light of the situation to alleviate her own nervousness, the emotions were too raw for Chakotay.  He rarely spoke of his time in the Maquis, and when he did it was vague generalities.  She couldn’t imagine the horrible things he had been witness to.  She felt tears stinging her eyes.  She fought to contain them, but they spilled down her cheeks anyway.  She had cried more in the last three days, over him, than she had cried in the last year.  She lifted her hand from his knee and wiped at her face.

“Kathryn?” he questioned. 

She just shook her head, and the tears and that movement made her look so small, so vulnerable again, that it broke his heart.  He sat frozen for a moment, then abruptly got up and went to sit beside her on the sofa, putting his arm around her and pulling her head to his shoulder.  She resisted for the briefest moment, then let herself collapse against him.  She needed to cry and needed to be held.  This would just be one more embarrassment she would have to live with later.  She felt him smoothing the hair back from her face, his hand strong and warm around her shoulder.  He was tender, gentle, his gestures conveying his concern and worry for her, but nothing more.  Once again, she found herself glad that it was Chakotay who was with her. 

Kathryn felt herself being shaken slightly.  She slowly rose from a deep sleep and became aware of her surroundings.  Her head was lying on Chakotay’s chest, and he had scooted lower in the cushion.  His arm was draped around her, nudging her softly.  She realized she must have cried herself to sleep.  She put her hand on his chest and pushed herself up.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“A couple of hours,” he said softly.

“That long?  I’m sorry,” she frowned.

“It’s okay.  You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you.  It is getting late, though.  I think we both should get to bed.  You’ll be even more sore tomorrow if you stay on this sofa all night.” 

She rubbed her face with her hands as he stood up and stretched.  She followed him to the door and he turned to her.  “I have the beta shift tomorrow.  Why don’t I come by in the morning and we can go over any reports or ship’s business you need to?”

“Yes,” she yawned, “that will be fine.  Good night, Chakotay.”

He yawned, too, and smiled at her, then left. 

Kathryn brushed her teeth and changed for bed, a soft sigh escaping as she slid under the covers.  She tried to remember the last time she had cried herself to sleep in someone’s arms.  It certainly had not been in the arms of a man; only her mother and sister had ever comforted her that way.  She was surprised at that thought and how easy it had been to open herself up to Chakotay’s comfort.  She knew from experience he could be fiercely protective, and also that he could be gentle and kind.  She only now realized how much she relied on those qualities in him.  He balanced her in that way.  “He is soulful,” she thought.  It was the first time she associated that term with him, but felt it fit him perfectly.  She drifted back to sleep imagining she could still feel the lingering warmth of his arm around her.

 

*************************** 

Kathryn had slept so much the last few days that she found herself wide awake at 0300 hours.  She lay in bed until she was getting on her own nerves and decided she needed a change of scenery.  Pulling on a pair of slacks and a sweater, she was in the mess hall by 0345 hours, coffee in hand, watching the stars and infinitely fascinating colors of space.  She had only been there a few minutes when she heard the doors open and turned to see who it was.

Chakotay came strolling into the room in a pair of loose pants and tunic-style shirt, looking much less rested than she did.  He stopped when he noticed her and smiled tiredly.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” he asked.

“I think I slept better than you did,” she said with concern.

He went to the counter and poured himself a coffee then carried the cup over to her.  He leaned his shoulder against the window and seemed to slump into it. 

Kathryn laid her hand on his arm and asked, “Chakotay, what is it?”

He started to give her his I’m-fine lie, but then considered all they had been through recently.  She had trusted him completely at her most vulnerable, and he could not just dismiss that.  He stared out of the window and spoke honestly.  “Things are so different out here than they were at home.  The Delta Quadrant is always new species, new problems requiring new solutions, new ways of going about doing things.  But once in a while, a mission comes along that reminds me so much of being in the Alpha Quadrant fighting the Cardassians.”  He looked down at his feet.  “They are not often good memories.”

She stepped closer to him and tightened her grip.  He moved his eyes up to her face and tried a half-hearted smile.  “I’ll be okay.  Sometimes it just takes a few days to return to the right part of the galaxy.”

“Chakotay,” she said softly.  “I never realized you had been through so much.  I should have, and there is no excuse for my lapse.” 

He removed a hand from his cup and placed it over hers on his arm.  “I did not want you to realize it.  There was no reason to burden you with it, too.” 

He was surprised when she turned her hand over under his and wrapped her fingers over it.  Her dark blue eyes searched his for a moment.  “You are never a burden, Chakotay.  I do realize that.  I have had a lot of time to think recently.”  Her eyes were stinging with tears again.  “What happened to us?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper. 

He paused for a moment, warring with himself and what she might want from him.  Deciding to take a chance, he set his cup on the table nearest them, took hers to place beside it, then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him.  He felt a tension in her body before it was chased out by her arms going around his waist and her head leaning into his chest.  They stood there for minutes, neither one daring to speak or move, understanding that at least some of the walls that had gone up between them since their return from New Earth were cracking. 

Slowly, he pulled away from her and led her to the couch facing the window.  He stretched one leg down the cushions and reclined into the arm.  She lay on her side against him, his strong arms encircling her, his cheek on the top of her head, her hand over his side.  Still no words were exchanged.  They simply watched the stars and rested in each other.

The mess hall door opening startled them both.  Kathryn pushed herself up to see Neelix entering and abruptly halting as if stuck to the floor.  “Captain, Commander!  I’m sorry.  I was coming to start prepping for breakfast.  I can come back.”

“No, Mr. Neelix.  Please.”  She waved him into the room.  “I guess the time got away from us.  We can’t have a mutiny over breakfast being late.”  She smiled at him, but he could tell he had interrupted something between the two of them.  He ducked his head and went to the back of the galley.

Chakotay chuckled softly.  “I guess we don’t have to plan this week’s contribution to ship gossip.”

Kathryn grinned, her eyes lighting, and she pulled him up.  “You still need sleep, Commander.  Why don’t you call me when you are rested and we will have that meeting when you are up for it.”

He squeezed her hand and left the mess hall for his quarters.  She refilled her cup, gestured a silent toast to the hidden Neelix, and returned to her own rooms to start reading through the stacks of PADDs.  She had mounds of work awaiting her return to duty, but she felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. 

When Chakotay called her at 1000 hours, Kathryn was ready for a break.  Her door chimed shortly after, and he entered looking much better than he had in the mess hall.  He was dressed in uniform, the dark circles under his eyes were almost gone, and his face was not as drawn as it had been looking since his first glimpse of her in the prison.

She offered him something to drink, then went to the replicator to get his tea.  “Have you eaten breakfast?” she asked.

“No.  It was so late when I got up, I decided to wait for lunch.  How was your morning?” he asked. 

“Productive, I think.”  She pointed to the PADDs on her desk.  “I made it about halfway through.  I also saw the Doctor this morning.  I can return to bridge duty tomorrow, provided I stay on the ship.”  She grinned, “Of course, he knows there is no such thing as ‘light duty’ to me.”

Chakotay nodded, glad to see her smiling.  “We don’t exactly have that luxury, do we?  I do think he is learning.” 

Kathryn led him to the sitting area and settled at the end of the sofa, pulling her legs up and curling them beside her on the cushion.  Chakotay took the chair again and shook his head at her.  “How can you sit like that?” he snorted.

She laughed.  “Not as easily as I could 20 years ago.  I guess it is a habit my age is going to force me to give up before much longer.”

He grinned and sipped his tea, the easy banter doing as much to wake him up and refresh him as the drink.  He wasn’t sure what to expect after their early morning encounter, but he had been hoping for exactly this.  Their friendship used to be so natural.  Somewhere over the years it had strained under the weight of Voyager and command and duty.  It had never broken, but that natural rhythm they used to have together had stumbled.  He could feel it starting to match step again. 

Kathryn asked questions about a couple of reports she had read.  He answered them all, then told her about the system picked up on long range sensors that might contain M-class planets.  They discussed the crew evaluations and inventory of stores until she finally felt like she was back in touch with her ship. 

Chakotay’s plan for an early lunch had now turned to a late one and his stomach growled.  She smiled at him and he held out his hand to her.  “You need to eat, too.  Why don’t you join me in the mess hall?”  She took his hand, stretched her legs with a groan, and kept hold of his fingers until a step before they reached her door.  They walked to the mess hall and had an enjoyable lunch, laughing easily and gaining more than one look askance from crew members, which they did not even notice. 

When they finished their meal, Chakotay was due on the bridge soon and Kathryn wanted to return to her reports.  He walked her to her door and then headed off for his duty shift.  “She looks happy,” he thought to himself.  He realized his cheeks were hurting and felt his own smile plastered across his face.  He rubbed his mouth and acknowledged he must have been looking happy, as well.  He certainly felt it as he stepped from the turbolift onto the bridge.

The day passed uneventfully, and Chakotay left the bridge at the end of his shift to return to his quarters.  As he passed Kathryn’s rooms, he heard a muffled scream.  He spun to the door and punched the chime.  There was no answer, but he heard another cry and his heart dropped to his stomach.  “Computer, locate the Captain!” he demanded.

“The Captain is in her quarters.”

“Computer, override the captain’s door.  Security authorization Chakotay – alpha – nine – four.” 

He ran through the door as it swished open and heard rustling and whimpers coming from her bedroom.  “Kathryn!” he called.  No answer.  “Kathryn!”

He reached her bedroom and saw she that was in bed, the sheet tangled around her, her arms thrashing, and her hair plastered to her face.  He went to the edge of the bed and tried again to call her.  When she still didn’t wake, he managed to catch her arms as he sat beside her and shook her.  “Kathryn!”

She bolted upright, her eyes wild and her arms shoving against him.  “Kathryn, it’s me, Chakotay!  Calm down, it’s just me.” 

She sobbed a breath then gasped.  “Chakotay, what are you doing?” she demanded. 

“I heard you scream from the corridor.  You didn’t respond to the door so I used my override.  I tried to call to you but you didn’t wake.”

She slumped back onto the bed and rolled on her side away from him, tears falling down her face.  “They were beating me.  I couldn’t get away.  I tried to fight them, but they just kept hitting me.” 

Her frightened voice ripped at his insides as he watched her cry.  He smoothed the hair back off her face and crooned to her.  “Shhh.  You’re safe now.  I’m here.  Nobody is going to hurt you.”

She reached for his hand and pulled it over her side.  He stood up, keeping one arm over her ribs, and straightened the sheet around her as best he could with the other.  He lay down behind her as he had done on the shuttle and curled his body around hers, slipping his arm under her head.  He continued to whisper to her, comforting her as best he could until her breathing returned to normal and the tight ball she was curled in loosened a bit.  She coughed, her throat ragged from her screams and crying.

“I’m going to get you some water.  I’ll be right back,” he said quietly as he worked his arms away from her and slid off the bed.  He glanced at her from the doorway and was struck to the core once again by how vulnerable she looked.  He understood what she was going through, and knew that she needed to get back to work tomorrow for the distraction if nothing else.  He quickly ordered the water from the replicator and returned to her. 

She was sitting up, her knees pulled up under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs.  She reached for the glass and took a long drink.  He sat on the bed facing her and placed one hand on her foot.  She handed him back the glass and he set it on the floor as he asked, “Better?”

She nodded, returning her arm to her legs.  “I’m sorry, Chakotay.  I got tired and decided to take a nap.  You really heard me scream from the corridor?”

His pained expression told her all she needed to know.  His voice was gruff as he said, “You scared me.”

She slid her fingers down her leg and rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand.  “I guess my body is healed, but my dreams are going to take a while longer.”  She sighed, then asked, “Where were you going?  You don’t have to stay.”

He shook his head.  “My shift is over.  I was only headed to my quarters.  How about if I get us some coffee and you can join me in the other room?  Or do you want to go back to sleep?”

“I think sleep is out of the question for a while.  Just let me put on something besides my nightgown.  I would love some coffee.” 

When Kathryn came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, she was in a T-shirt, exercise pants and a pair of socks.  It touched him for some reason that she had not felt the need to completely dress for him.  She had brushed her hair, but had not bothered to pin it up or put on make-up.  It told him that she was comfortable with him.  She walked to where he was sitting on the sofa and without hesitation sat beside him and snuggled into his side, taking a sip of the coffee he handed her before resting it on her leg.  He let his arm drop behind her neck and his hand rest on her hip.  The quiet was peaceful, and the presence of each other healing for both of them.

 

****************************** 

Chakotay awoke in his quarters and glanced at the chronometer.  0230 hours.  He stared at the numbers, pulled the sheet over his head, pushed it back down, fluffed his pillow, punched it flat again, and finally sat up with a huff.  He had left Kathryn around 2100 hours, both of them tired and yawning.  He hoped she was sleeping better than she had been when he found her earlier.  He remembered their time in the mess hall and how comfortable it had felt to hold her.  “Computer,” he said on a whim.  “Locate Captain Janeway.”

“The Captain is in the mess hall,” the female voice intoned.

He smiled, pulled on slacks and a tee and a pair of soft shoes, and headed for the mess hall.  She was standing at the window gazing out into space.  She smirked when she saw him come in and walk to the coffee pot.  He took a sip of his drink as he crossed the room to her, then set it beside hers on the table.  He stood behind her and placed his hand tentatively on the small of her back, his shoulder lightly touching her.  “The computer said you were here,” he told her. 

She leaned into him and smiled softly.  “My sleep schedule has never been great, but it seems to be more out of whack than normal.”

“Mine, too,” he agreed.  “At least we are up at the same time and not still staring at the ceiling from our beds.”

She reached her arm under his and around his waist.  “I actually like this time.  It is quiet, relaxing.” 

He felt her shift more of her weight against him and he braced his legs, slipping both arms around her waist and locking his fingers together.  He smelled her hair, loving the tickle of it across his chin and cheeks.  She felt his face near her and instinctively tilted her head back a bit.  He leaned down and softly kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment.  She tipped into the kiss and then turned her body toward him in the circle of his strong arms.  She gazed into his face and said softly, “I am safe with you.”  It was not a question, but rather a confirmation.

“Yes, you are,” he assured her.  “We are safe together.”  He brought a hand to her face and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers.  He started to lean down to her lips, but stopped, a brief cloud crossing his features. 

She knew he was thinking of what she had been through recently and whispered, “I trust you, Chakotay.”

He pressed his lips to hers, sweet and tender, his hand opening across her back but not pressuring her.  She rubbed her hands over his shoulders and arms before relinquishing his mouth.  Her cobalt blue eyes met the dark pools of his, and all the feelings she had for him alit in her soul.  Respect.  Admiration.  Worth.  Desire.  Trust.  They coalesced together until she finally recognized them for what they were.  As a whole, they were love.  She had tried to call her feelings for him many things over the years, but the truth had been there all the same. 

She rose up to kiss him again, this time pulling him tightly to her and feeling him return the pressure.  Her lips parted and his tongue softly circled them before finding hers, their bodies beginning a gentle, swaying embrace.  When they finally broke away, he reached behind him for her hand and led her to the couch again, reclining in it as he had the night before.  She lay her head on his chest and wrapped her fingers behind his neck, holding onto him while they watched the stars.  His hands caressed her back and arms, and she lifted her head to him every so often for another kiss.  She traced his temple and jaw with her fingertips, and he combed his hands from the nape of her neck through her hair.  A soft sigh, a deep breath, a quiet “mmm” were the only sounds.

Time was lost in another night until they heard the mess hall door open, their presence once again startling Neelix.  This time, Kathryn didn’t even sit up from the warmth of Chakotay’s arms as she watched him duck his head and scurry to the galley without a word.  She and Chakotay both laughed softly.  “Poor Neelix,” she said.  “We really should say something to him before he implodes.”

“Like what?” Chakotay asked with a grin.  “We’re sorry we are turning your mess hall into a make-out corner?”

She giggled.  “That wasn’t quite what I had in mind.”  Kathryn kissed him again, but quickly.  “We should go.  We both have bridge duty this morning.”

Chakotay wrapped her in one last, tight hug before helping her sit up.  They picked up their coffee cups and carried them to the counter.  As one, they called out, “Good morning, Neelix,” then walked hand in hand through the door. 

They held hands all the way to Kathryn’s quarters but did not take a chance on kissing in the corridor.  He squeezed her hand then went to his rooms to get ready for duty.  When he arrived on the bridge, Kathryn was already at her post, a stack of PADD’s in hand.  She turned to smile softly at him as he sat beside her, and his heart skipped in his chest.  A couple of days ago, he was hoping just to renew their friendship.  He had received so much more and was infinitely happy.  The barriers that had gone up between them in the experiences of the Delta Quadrant had been whisked away with the passing stars.  There was only one wall left up for him, and it crumbled as he saw the twinkle in her blue eyes when she smiled at him.  He loved her, still and again. 

“Dinner?” he asked quietly.  She nodded and then returned to her reports, handing a few of them over to him.  They worked side by side for a while, secure and content.  When she retired to her ready room as usual, he found himself missing her.  He concentrated on his duties, but every so often his cheeks would dimple as he recalled holding and kissing her.  Chakotay knew she had a lot of work to catch up on, so he fought his urge to visit her ready room every half hour and instead worked on getting through the day.

At the end of the shift, Chakotay went to find out if Kathryn was ready to leave.  She was still buried in PADDs and reports and data, but she did grin when he entered.  “When should I have dinner ready?” he asked.

“I think 1800 hours should be fine.  I still have some things to finish here.”

He frowned at her.  “Don’t wear yourself out, Kathryn.  I love to see you working again, but this is your first day back.”

She softened her eyes and gazed into his face.  “I have no intention of being too tired for tonight.”

He flashed her a half-smile and visibly shivered playfully.  Her alto voice was still laughing when he stepped through the ready room door, drawing the eyes of the officers on duty.  He just smiled at them and entered the turbolift.

Chakotay stopped by the mess hall to find out what kind of fresh fruit he could beg from Neelix.  While getting together a small basket, Neelix said, “You know, Commander, sometimes I am forgetful and leave a tray of snacks sitting out all night.”

Chakotay took the basket from him and leaned across the counter, speaking quietly.  “Thank you, Neelix, but I don’t think we will be needing the mess hall tonight.”  He was halfway to the exit before he heard Neelix bark a laugh behind him.  Chakotay grinned over his shoulder and could have sworn the Talaxian turned red.

Kathryn arrived at his quarters five minutes early.  Chakotay opened the door and caught his breath.  “You look beautiful,” he smiled.  She was in a soft gray dress that hugged her curves without being revealingly tight.  Her auburn hair was brushed softly away from her face, her dark blue eyes shining and pale red lips irresistible.  She crossed the room to him and he gathered her into a lingering kiss, loving the silk of her dress under his hands.  When she pulled back finally, he tried to ignore the tiny tingles racing over his body.  She breathed deeply and said, “I should come for dinner more often.” 

“Are you hungry?” he asked with a grin. 

“I am.  I think I skipped lunch.”

Chakotay chuckled.  “If you think you did, then chances are you did.”

He led her to the table and pulled out her chair for her, kissing the top of her head as she sat.  He poured the wine and served their plates before sitting across from her.  He had placed two candles on the table, and the flickering light playing across the highlights in her hair and over her strong face captivated him.  It had been a long time since he let himself fully feel his desire for her, and the flush through his body was as subtle as a disruptor rifle.  As they started to eat, he slid his foot forward under the table until his leg rested against hers.  At some point, she crossed her legs and began to slowly swing her foot, running her shin along his calf.  Soon after, they both stopped eating and simply gazed across the table at each other. 

“Kathryn,” he spoke softly, his voice deepened. 

She rose from her chair and held her hand out to him.  He took it and stood up, moving a couple of steps from the table before pulling her to him.  Her arms slid around his ribs and her hands gripped the strong muscles of his sides.  His fingertips found the nape of her neck as his other hand went to the concave of her back and his mouth found hers.  She parted her lips for him and his tongue circled hers, passion igniting within her as she pressed her body fully into his.  Her hands began to slide up and down his back, their hips swaying together and her breasts arching into him.  He could feel himself hardening and he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers, his hands entwined in her hair with his thumbs on her cheeks.   

“Chakotay,” she spoke softly, “you found me.  Not just in that prison, but here on the ship.  I feel like you found me and brought me home where I should have been all along.  This morning, watching the stars with you, I discovered my heart again.”  Her grip tightened.  “Chakotay, I love you.”

He let her words sink in, tugging his soul from the depths and into the light once more.  “Kathryn, my darling, I love you, too.”

Their lips met again, warmth and light washing over them until sensation and touch were sweetly painful.  When he tried to pull his hips back from her again to hide his rousing manhood, she followed him, pulling him to her with answering heat of her own.  Her palms glided down his hips to his muscular thighs and back up, while his fingers brushed over the sides of her breasts.  She lifted one leg and ran her heel up the back of his, his pelvis slipping tighter against hers.  He massaged her thigh, helping to support her leg against him while the other hand held her head. 

He could feel himself reaching the point of no return and pulled his lips from hers, his arms going around her waist again.  “Kathryn,” he panted.  “We have to stop.”

She looked into his face, her eyes darkened and her cheeks flushed.  “No, we don’t,” she husked.  “Not unless you want to.”

“Oh, I don’t want to,” he gasped.  “But, are you sure?”

Her only answer was sliding her hands to his buttocks and back over his hips while taking his mouth again. 

He lifted her into his powerful arms and she wrapped her limbs around him, never breaking the kiss as he carried her to his bedroom.

 

****************************** 

Chakotay sat on the bed with Kathryn still in his arms straddling his lap.  He felt her thighs tighten around him as he slid his hands over her buttocks, the silk of her dress slipping further up her legs.  She pulled away from the kiss and tugged at the hem of his shirt.  He lifted his arms so she could pull it off, and her mouth locked onto the heated skin of his neck as her fingertips raked down his bare chest.  He slipped her shoes off her feet and tossed them to the floor as she pushed him back onto the bed and rose up so he could pull her dress off.  She was kneeling over him in black silk bra and panties and he groaned, “So beautiful!”

Kathryn relaxed her thighs and spread her knees, her center lowering onto his.  He could feel her heat even through their remaining clothing.  He reached up to her back and flipped her over, pulling her to the center of the bed.  Her fingers found the button of his pants and unfastened them, pushing them down his hips.  He stood up and removed his shoes and slacks, hesitating before removing his boxers.  She decided for him as she ran the ball of her foot over his hardness.  He leaned his head back and let her feel him for a moment before he took her foot in his hand and removed his underwear with the other.  He bent down and kissed his way over the arch while his hands massaged her, continuing his exploration up her shins. 

When he reached her knee, he braced his hands on either side of her and slowed, gently replacing each image in his mind of a bruise along those legs with the memory of kissing soft, pink skin.  Inch by inch, he rose up her thighs, across the silk of her panties but not touching her core, and over her torso.  He slipped his arm under her and lifted her slightly so his other hand could find the hooks of her bra and release them.  His mind’s eye no longer saw the battered, beaten, and humiliated Kathryn, but a strong, sensual, and sexual woman responding to his touch with passion.  He slid the bra down her arms and took her breasts in his palms, a tiny moan escaping her lips as she pushed them up to him.  He took her nipple in his mouth, gently teething it as her fingers wrapped in his hair. 

He licked his way up her chest, along the line of her neck, and found her lips with his, pressing his body to her side.  Kathryn turned her hips toward him and reached down to take him in her hand, circling his hard member with her fingers as she stroked him.  He slid his hand over the silk of her panties, pressing his palm against her button.  Her hips thrust against him and her pressure around him increased as she leaned her head back from his. 

“Oh,” she gasped, her voice husky.  He continued to slide his hand over the damp material, tracing the line of her from top to bottom and sliding over her swollen clit.  Her breath quickened as his fingers expertly played her body.  “Take them off,” she whispered.

He pulled the black silk down her hips and over her legs, and Kathryn did not turn her head away this time.  She wanted to watch him look at her, to really see _her_ offering herself freely and completely to him.  His dark chocolate eyes roamed over her and she felt his sex twitch in her hand.  “Oh gods,” he growled.  He stared into her gaze and whispered, “My Kathryn,” as he found her wet center again.  His finger slipped inside and teased her, his thumb circling her clit.  Her body spasmed at his touch, her face burying in his neck and her thighs spreading.  She gripped his cock as her stomach clenched.  Two quick, sharp breaths and she shattered in his arms, curling her body and trembling as her orgasm raced through her core.  He felt her tighten around his finger and kept his eyes on her face, watching the ecstasy play across her features and hearing her soft moans.  He gently slid in and out of her as the ripples slowed, bringing her down from the heights and feeling her muscles relax bit by bit. 

She murmured his name into his neck and uncurled, rolling onto her back and pulling him toward her.  Her eyes found his, drowning him a deep blue sea as he moved his body over hers, holding himself up with one arm while he guided his erection to her.  He slid the tip lightly over her clit and down her wetness until he felt her opening.  She pulled her knees back further and tilted her hips for him. 

Gently, he entered her with agonizing slowness until he was as far as he could go, pausing to let her walls relax around him and get used to the feel of him.  Only when he felt her open up and rock her hips against him did he begin to move within her with long, tender strokes.  Her hands slid over his shoulders to his back, caressing his hot skin and leaving electric tingles in their wake.  He shifted slightly to the side and supported himself on one elbow as he lay a hand along her cheek and kissed her, his lips moving over hers in time with his thrusts. 

Chakotay pulled back so he could see her face, his hand slipping down to her breast and circling her nipple.  His deliberate slowness in and out of her wet core was driving Kathryn wild, the heat in her stomach licking out in flames throughout her body.  Her caressing fingertips gave way to her nails scratching along the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.  Her eyes locked with his as her hips rocked into him, urging him deeper.  He increased the pressure of his forward thrusts, but not the speed, delaying his building climax as long as he could.  He could feel his control slipping, though, with each rake of her nails on his back and brush of her pelvis against his stomach. 

She was tightening around him again, her thighs clenching and unclenching against his sides.  When she pushed her head into the pillow and arched her back and breasts, his rhythm slipped at the sight of her taking pleasure from him.  He shifted fully on top of her and slid his hands under the small of her back, thrusting deep and hard into her wet heat. 

“Yes,” she hissed, pulling her knees up further to take him fully. 

He groaned against her neck as the sound of her voice lost in passion washed over him.  His hold over his climax was sliding away as his rhythm quickened.  With a few more deep, swift strokes, her walls tightened and rippled around his swelling hardness and he sucked in his breath.  A wave of heat cascaded through him as his orgasm took hold of his body.  At the first pump of his seed inside her, she locked in his arms and came with him, a small cry following his.  Time and space exploded around them and the universe ceased to exist outside of their joining.  Gradually, the blinding white flash began to fade and the spinning slowed as they trembled against each other.

He rose up on his arms and searched Kathryn’s face, seeing tears in her eyes and surprised to feel them in his own.  “I love you, Chakotay,” she whispered.

He leaned his head down and spoke softly in her ear.  “My Kathryn.  I love you more than you will ever know, and I want to spend the rest of my life telling you.”  He rolled them onto their sides, holding her against him, the warm tears rolling down his temple along with her own saying far more than words could. 

They slept in each other’s arms, neither of them thrashing in dreams for the first time in a long time.  Their existence was a stormy one, but together they forged a refuge of immeasurable strength and shelter.  It had taken them half a lifetime to find each other across the galaxy of stars.  Along their journey back home, they had discovered the truth together.  Love itself is a journey, and to trust in love is, perhaps, the greatest destination of all.  

 

 


End file.
